no more.

I*m done.

For the losers who still read this xanga thinking it*s my current. This is a little update of an  update i made on my new xanga.

La*dee*fucking*daa people.

Forget it, you will never understand.
All you cared about was yourself.
I told you over and over those words that now Ive come to despise.
Who knew that so much hatred and resentment could come from 3 simple words?
"I love you"
Who knew it was all a lie?
You had me spinning out of control
You never gave a damn about anything but your own needs.
Im sick of throwing on a smile everyday to hide my inner pain.
I should have known my heart was too young to handle this painful burden you have placed upon it.
I gave you everything including my heart.
I gave you my trust when you pleaded for it.
And yet what did I gain?
You left me under a black blanket of lies,
Leaving me there to suffocate and hopelessly look for a way out,
That would never come.
You trapped me in a corner giving me no choice,
Slowly yet rapidly my body is breaking down,
My heart is crumbling to dust.
The only thing left is the broken, torn, and worn out memories of you and I.
Somehow I have to let them all go.
Memories that I once held so close to my heart,
Have now taken it over and killed it.
Slowly the happy memories of you and I are being replaced with the memories of you and her.
How could you be so heartless??
How was this all made into my fault?
Why cant I break through this sheet of ice?
This sheet of ice is like a window,
On one side I can see the lighted path to happiness.
But on the side Im left at I see nothing but black hatred,
That is enveloping a chest of happy memories we once shared.
Do you not remember them?
Do you even care?
Did you ever care?
Or was I just another girl on your list?
Oh how I wish I could step through the transparent ice plate,
That so evenly divides happiness and despair.
But all it takes is one stab with my sword,
And the ice will break.
Never again shall I enter the blackened room of despair.
Standing up Im taking my sword and as Im about to jab it into the ice,
I look back at that chest of memories.
I walk slowly over to the chests obscured lid.
I lift it off and I find each memory we shared clearly written out on pink stationary,
But Im not here for those papers.
I start to rather quickly rip the papers out of the chest,
Carelessly tossing them on the cold ground.
Digging deeper and deeper into the chest until I locate the hardened stone bottom.
At the bottom of the chest under all those memories,
Were the pieces of my heart.
I gather them up gently in a velvet draw string bag.
I stand up, the pink memory papers surrounded my feet.
Lifting my head high I walk over the sea of memories,
And without looking back I jab the sword into the ice wall.
With a mighty shatter it falls.
The other side of happiness lays before me,
I walk into the lighted path and find the ultimate glue that will fix my heart,
You are my glue, my friends.
You are the glue that keeps my heart from breaking again.
I love you all, and thank you for always being there for me!

Icon of Today:

Im moving on guys... 

Im done with this xanga.  

Not only is it filled with practically 2 years of my life of being with tim and our good and bad moments.. Its filled with things that I cant handle. && people read it that dont like me. && they change and misunderstand my words to make me look even more like a shit face. You all can gladly go through here..read everything. But loggin onto this every day makes me go back and read old memories. And it makes me even more depressed. Cant do it. So Im movin out.

This is my way of dealing with it. Im getting rid of this xanga. Making a new one. and keeping it to myself..&& close friends.

So one last entry of icons and quotes guys. This will be the last one you see in here.

Point of the story,
I believe in payback.
Letting people screw you over
is just lazy & uncreative

Maybe I can't stop the downpour, but I will
always join you for a walk in the rain.

 

Seems like our
hearts are set on automatic, we say the first thing
that comes to mind.

& I stand inches from your face
scream my insides out
spilling my hearts ache & breaks
& you still don't get it
& you wouldn't get it

Alice came to a fork in the road.
 "which road do I take? " she asked.
"where do you want to go?” responded the Cheshire cat
 " I don’t know, " Alice answered.
 "Then," said the cat,
 "it does not matter.''

Here are two cheap tickets
for two hopeless lovers who
danced their dreams away.

And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me
You're all kinds of beautiful as you end my day
And you sweetly retire as stars chase you away

Fuck you and your pretty smile. Your eyes are cutting my skin.

she says good-bye to one heartache;;
and hello to another

I’m gunning down romance, a bullet for bleeding hearts;
it never did do much for me; only tore my heart apart ...

its guilt & its blame
its shame & its love
seeking the truth, I dug them myself
all these holes dig in and surround me
god knows what I’m gonna do
to fill up these holes left by you

I slash myself with your misery and my
 blood trickles through your heart

Gravedigger
When u dig my grave
Could u make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain

&& maybe all she wanted was to see him and not care, to hear his name and not get butterflies, to hear his voice and not smile... && maybe what she needs is to see him happy and wish that she was the reason for his smile... maybe she just wants to walk away... && FORGET EVERYTHING.

i am the puppet and you're the string,
i am the voice and you make it sing,
we are the tragedy and you make it sting

for once she wants to walk away and have him stop her, to yell and have him kiss her, to cry and have him care, to leave and have him miss her.

&& im the girl that waits too long, gets hurt too often, and loves too easily

i want you to be with someone who makes you

feel like i feel when i`m with you.

if you love someone, if you truly love someone, you will put aside foolish pride & fear, & love them without regret, without worry, cause you know that without them there is no reason for caring

In a girl's life there will always be those three guys...
The one she loves
The one she hates
and the one she can't get enough of
In the end, they are all the same guy...

I have to ask you a question. Its a
good one so think about it. If two people
love each other, but they can't seem
to get it together, when do you get to
that point of enough is enough?
..NEVER.<33

i really dont know right now. i dont know what to do with this stuff in me. i want to let it all out but i dont know how to let it out & who to say it to. i want to say something but then again..i cant. what's wrong with this world ; whats wrong ; i just want an answer. why cant i get one.

it's never too late to try one more time<3

 My Dinosaur thinks your stupid

Happii

Birthdaii

Danny!!!

Its Danny*s birthday!! Yay!!

xx

More later chicos(as)

There will be something written here later.

I promise

I know how to keep those

E is for Edit Peopo

I made a promise && I am keeping it. So lets break it down guyzzz

Icon of The Day:

I like dinosaurs guys..They make me happy.

I also like sheep. It*s almost easter && at walgreens they have big ol stuffed sheep. So if any one out there is reading this. && you love me. Buy me a big stuffed sheep! Or dinosaur. lol. Or giraffe. Monkeys are gettin old. Everyone has them.

So I stayed home from school. && i had to make a doctors appointment. We were gonna go in and get it all done..but we had to make an appointment && i cant go in until Thursday. What kinda bullshit is that? Alot of it.

But yeah. I texted Tim. But he didnt text me back. So im guessin he is mad at me. or too busy to talk to me. But he usually is on the weekends. So whatever.

So yeah...Stayed home all day... so the following is my day

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How dull is that? But yeah. That was my day up until..9. At 9 Sarah, Jen, Newsha, && Devin came and picked me up. && we went up to ihop. It is now...2:30 && i am just getting home. It was alot of fun. We had two cars. us 4 in Sarahs and than In Isaacs car were Karry && Billy.  && i had alot of fun with them.

We met this waiter &&  his name was Ricky. He was really cool.

I texted Danny at midnight to tell him happy birthday. Today is his 18th Birthday! I feel horrible because i missed his 16th and 17th! Depressing, isnt it? To miss your best friends birthday for almost 3 years!!!! Had i not started talking to him tuesday i woulda missed his most important birthday of all time!!!!! I woulda hated myself..But I am REALLY glad me and him are talking again..I missed him so much..

But yeah...Thats it suckas

COMMENT

Random quote i took from K

I want a guy I can count on.  Someone who can handle me when I'm having one of those moods... A boy that gets me smiling and laughing with him.  I want the kind of man I can cry in front of and not be ashamed of it.  A guy who I can love and be loved right back.  I want someone who will have my friends saying, " She's happy again.."